she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Holy shit dude........stairs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
