I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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