my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
