people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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