If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
