I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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