Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
