he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
