okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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