I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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