Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
