we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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