You're completely useless in the revolution.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
