So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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