I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize