Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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