it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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