im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
