U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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