I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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