At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I will be naked everywhere
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
