I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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