we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
