Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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