He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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