for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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