remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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