you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I deserve this hangover.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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