Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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