thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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