My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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