the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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