with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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