i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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