if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
