I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
