im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
