Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
love makes seman taste better
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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