I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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