hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
