Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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