It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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