Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
