oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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