my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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