So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
