Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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