Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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