I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
