good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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