I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
