whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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