I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
