How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
