At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Operation Purity has been aborted
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
