Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
