I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
