I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
