How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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