an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
