my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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